How to Help Your Kids Resolve Sibling Arguments
Pics:
Kids fighting (arguing not physical)
Two kids in a home looking like they’re talking to each other/ resolving something (just look calm, focused on the conversation)
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How to Help Your Kids Resolve Sibling Arguments
Empowering Our Kids to Resolve Conflicts
Empowering Parenting: Why Jumping Into Your Kids' Arguments Might Not Be the Best Move
When your children start bickering and fighting, what is your first response?
Do you step in to put a stop to it? Have you ever wondered why?
- Perhaps you've always dreamed of your children being best friends, so seeing them fight prompts you to intervene.
- Maybe your goal is for them to always be kind and respectful to one another.
- Or could it be their loud disagreements are simply getting on your nerves?
Regardless of your reasons for stepping in, the aftermath often leaves everyone—whether it's one child, both, or even you—feeling more frustrated and tense. There might be storming off, tears, or mumbling under the breath.
And although the immediate conflict may seem resolved, the underlying issues remain unaddressed.
So, what's the best approach?
Understanding Your Role as a Parent in Sibling Fights
Navigating sibling relationships wasn't something I mastered overnight. But I learned early on that jumping into every argument wasn't the solution. Why? Because quick fixes don't build the resilience or mutual understanding I wanted for my kids.
When parents forcefully stop sibling arguments, it might quiet the noise, but it doesn't address the underlying issues. No one is truly heard, and nothing substantial is resolved. All you're doing is depleting your energy to try to make it all go away.
By the end of it—all the arguing, pushing, crying—there you are, doing what you thought was best and feeling no better than when it all started.
Think about it—how would you feel as an adult if someone dismissed your feelings, demanded an immediate apology, and decided how you should resolve something without understanding your perspective? It's frustrating, isn't it?
Of course it's not exactly the same. Even with the same feelings and emotions as adults, children are still learning how to figure out the world and situations like this, and they, of course, need your guidance.
My best parenting advice for you here? It's not to fix; it's to guide.
So, the next time you find your kids in the midst of some sort of fight and disharmony, I invite you to try using this Happy Life System technique:
- Ask your children to take a five-minute break from each other.
- Remind and help them to focus on calming strategies during this time, whether it's deep breathing, a short walk, or listening to soothing music.
- Encourage them to reflect on their needs. They can write or draw what they feel they need at that moment. This helps diffuse the immediate chaos and encourages self-reflection.
- Help guide a discussion where they can share their thoughts and feelings using their drawings or notes to help them communicate.
- Support them to keep the dialogue open until they feel understood, then help them to reconcile with something like a hug or a smile.
This approach shifts you from being a referee to a guide. You empower your children to manage their emotions and to engage constructively with each other, helping their development into thoughtful, aware, and compassionate individuals.
You are helping your children to evolve into the greatest, most aware, and kind humans.
I'm so excited to share the best parenting advice and tools that will help harmonize your family. Keep coming back to the blogs for more on empowering parenting. I'm with you every step of the way!